Why you should keep handi-wipes in your car…
…so I was underneath a bridge at an ungodly hour when I saw a guy on a bike coming towards me at a high rate of speed, since I’m a very considerate polite person I moved my tripod to the side of this very narrow sidewalk (underneath a bridge that looks like it was featured on an episode of First 48) to make room.
As he passed I went back to acting as if I was taking photos when I was really just waiting on him to vacate the vicinity, so I could get back to concentrating on figuring out the difference between aperture & shutter speed. 🤓
Then all of a sudden, behind me I hear the sliding of bike tires, so I look over my shoulder & the gentleman who looks to be semi-homeless has turned his bike around & is now approaching, before he uttered a word I gave him the same look that my dad gave me when I presented him a bad report card. 😠
He approached, got halfway off of his bike & asked “Aye, do you make CD covers?! I’m a rapper, my name is…🤐” (he paused before he told me his rap name…& it is a dope rap name – both figuratively & literally).
I replied, yep.
He said, “I want a cover like Lil Uzi Vert…like a cartoon, do you know what I’m talking about!?”
I replied, yep.
He said ” How much will it cost? Like around $150 – $200″
Which is a fairly reasonable quote, which means that he had probably inquired about this before, which means that he probably was an underground rapper & not semi-homeless…probably.
I decided to quote him a price based on 1. if he wanted me to take his photo for the mixtape or 2. he just send me a photo that he has…so I said: “…prices start at $100”.
He said: “That’s dope” pulled out his phone & said, “can I get your info,” I said…”Oh, I have a business card”.
I handed him a card & I thought he’d look at my card & be impressed (because my cards are dope) instead he put it directly in 1 of his 30 pockets & extended his hand for a handshake.
Although it was dark under the bridge, the Friday the 13th lighting was good enough for me to see that it looked like he had just done an oil change…with his bare hands.
Sometimes I think fast, sometimes…not so much. This time it was the latter.
I reluctantly shook his hand & just when I thought that was the end of our interaction, he looked at my greyish beard (the same way I look at women’s cleavage, which is NOT smooth, slick or sly) and said: “Alright, I’ll be in touch, big bro!”
I stood there stunned like…did that just happen?!
Did he just look at my beard & assume that I was older than him & call me big bro?! WTF!?
As I walked back to my car, still confused & in my feelings about this obviously ageist individual, I forgot that I had shaken his hand & whatever cooties that were on his hand were now on my camera, tripod, backpack, car door handle & steering wheel.
That’s when it hit me “Damn!, I need some handi-wipes to keep in my car!
*I purposely omitted his rap name, but trust me…it was clever & witty & basically said what he claimed he did for a living in it.