The Original Mack

This is a tale about the Original Mack… well, not really a tale, just an acknowledgment of a man. I’m not the Original Mack. I’m not even the second Mack. There were two before me—my dad and my big brother. I’m Mack Hall Jr. II.

This is about my dad. He was born on August 16, 1949. My pops is the Original Mack, and he was a walking quote. Some of his quotables were less PC than others, and most were not family-friendly, but that’s how he was—no filter. In honor of my pops’ Born Day, I’d like to share a list of some of his favorite quotes and some stories… in no particular order.

• “Di-di Mau” Translation: Let’s go He brought that home from Vietnam.
• “Let me guess, ‘not me’ did it.” Translation: Somebody broke or snuck into something and no one would confess. No snitching in our house.
• “…ain’t no ifs, ands, or buts about it.” Translation: No more excuses and no more procrastinating.
• “I say what I mean, and I mean what I say.” Translation: Stop asking.
• “You run your mouth like a Japanese radio.” Translation: You’re talking too much.
• “That dog don’t hunt.” Translation: He doesn’t believe you—you need more people.
• “…happier than a punk in a weenie factory.” Translation: No comment.
• “You can’t bullsht the bullsh*tter… I put the ‘B’ in Bull and the ‘S’ in Sh*t.” Translation: Self-explanatory.
• “If that’s true, then Popeye’s a punk and Superman never got off the ground.” Translation: Again, he doesn’t believe you, but it’s a trick—those people don’t exist, so he’s giving you time to get your story straight.
• “I don’t play games, games are for children. I quit school because they had recess.” Translation: Self-explanatory. Side note: This was his most repeated quote. Usually, it was said while playing spades or dominoes.

The Original Mack made sure that I knew how to cook, clean, and sew. “…so you won’t need a woman,” he said. So when I thought I was going out on a Saturday to turn flips on a pissy mattress with my friends, he said, “Nah… you’re learning how to sew today.” I cried all over the sewing machine while my mom helped me make a teddy bear.

The Original Mack had way more faith in me than I had in myself. The first time he let me drive was at night on Highway 635. He asked me if I wanted to go out with him to listen to some live jazz at a spot downtown. I said yes, not knowing what he probably had planned all along. The band was outside at a gas station close to downtown (I think it was on Harwood & Corinth). My pops drank beer while the band played. We just leaned against the car (slant-back Lincoln Continental), chilling the entire time. When the jam session ended, we hopped in the car and headed home, cutting through South Dallas. When we got to the freeway entrance ramp, my pops pulled over and said, “…take me home.” I was like, “Huh!?” With cars zooming by on the left and cars merging on the right, I climbed over to the driver’s seat. He walked around to the passenger side, reclined, and closed his eyes. Again, I was 12/13 years old, Saturday night, 635… I was terrified. He was chilling—at least on the outside. He’d peek up every now and then to correct me, but for the most part… he just let me drive. As soon as we got home, he walked in the door and said to my mom, “Your son just drove us home.” And my mom said, “What!?”

…ain’t no if ands or buts about it.

The Original Mack was my security guard. A couple of years after driving for the first time, he had enough faith in me to run errands. My big brother came over for a visit, and when he was ready to go, my dad told me to drop him off at the bus stop. Of course, I wanted to drop him off at the closest one on Lake June & Masters, but my big brother wanted to get dropped off further down Lake June… by Jim Miller. I wasn’t familiar with driving on that side, and I had a wreck—not a regular wreck… a wreck-wreck. Glasses flew off and everything. My big brother said, “I have warrants, so I can’t be here when the police get here.” …I was like, WTF!? Now I’m by myself, car f*cked up in the middle of the street. I go to the payphone (yes, payphone) and call my dad. Police are there, the people that hit me had some of their people pull up, I’m outnumbered, and my dad pulls up. The cops are asking questions, and one cop says to me, “This looks like your fault.” Without thinking about the repercussions of cursing in front of my dad, I said, “How the fuck would you know?! You didn’t even see it!” My dad put his hand on my chest and looked me in the eyes, basically telling me to step back and calm down. Then he stepped toward the cops and yelled, “How the fuck would you know!? You didn’t even see the wreck!” Another officer stepped in between my dad and the cop. I cried when I got home, but he assured me that I wasn’t in trouble and he wasn’t mad. Instead, he told me that he shouldn’t have put me in that situation and apologized.

Then he stepped toward the cops and yelled, “How the fuck would you know!? You didn’t even see the wreck!”

The Original Mack both understood and believed in me. When I came in late on a school night smelling like weed, I immediately said to my dad, “I wasn’t smoking!” because I knew he could smell it. He just turned, walked away smiling, and said, “I know YOU wasn’t smoking weed”—emphasis on YOU.

When I intentionally left my school badge at home because I didn’t feel like going to school, I walked all the way home just to find out that my parents were gone… so I tried to kick in the back door. When my parents got home and my dad looked at the dent in the door, he cursed me out from the back door to my room. Now, feeling even worse than I was before, he opened my door and said, “I apologize, I was wrong. It’s hot outside. If I were you, I would’ve done the same thing.” That changed my whole day around.

When the Vice Principal said that I was in a gang and that I was skipping classes, I called my dad to come up to the school with me. My dad went in on him immediately. He asked Mr. Neal, “I have on a Cowboys shirt, my favorite color is blue—does that mean that I’m in a gang?” Boom! He couldn’t prove the gang claim, so he moved on to the skipped classes. With Mr. Neal sitting across looking at me, my dad leaned over and asked, “Son, did you skip class?” I said, “Nope.” So Mr. Neal said, “How about we go ask Mr. Pettejean?” The three of us walked to the back of the school to get Mr. Pettejean out of class. Mr. Neal asked him in front of my dad, “I see Mack was not marked present on this day.” Mr. Pettejean said, “Oh no, he was here. He’s always in class. Sometimes he sleeps in class, but he’s always here.” Case closed… Not Guilty! Mr. Neal walked away without saying a word. My dad and I looked at each other and smiled.

“I just want to see you graduate. After that, I’m good. I’m going to buy a motorcycle, and me and your mom are going to travel.”

The Original Mack was the bravest and most confident man I’ve ever met. He left me with all of the tools that I’ll ever need in life.

In 1997/98, I was a senior in high school. One day he and I were watching Ricki Lake, and he said, “I just want to see you graduate. After that, I’m good. I’m going to buy a motorcycle, and me and your mom are going to travel.”

Shortly after that conversation, he wanted me to take him around the corner for some cigarettes. I thought he had stopped smoking. He told me that he didn’t have a lot of time left and that he wanted me to do some things after he was gone. I heard him, but I wasn’t listening. My dad was so tough that I literally thought he’d die when he was ready. He passed away less than a week after that talk. February 28, 1998.

My dad was a Vietnam Vet and a Marine. He didn’t have to go to Vietnam—he had two big brothers already over there, J.L. Hall and Don Lee Hall. He said he went just to get away from his dad. He enlisted at 18/19 years old.

He met my mom while they were young; they grew up together. When he told my mom that he was leaving, she cried. My mom said she didn’t think he was coming back because of everything that she’d heard about the war. My dad said “your mom told me bye, I said no, bye is for dead folks, I’ll see you later, because I’m coming back”…and he did.

My dad was cool, ill-tempered, funny, intelligent, uncensored, protective, fly, witty, clever, stubborn, complicated, guarded, honest, a leader, a teacher…he was Original.

The Original Mack. 24 years before the movie.

Happy Born Day Pops! 8.16